mataharihijau

scratches of words.. I write what I feel.. I feel what I write... Alienated. Full Stop.

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Rice Bowl Journals
aku pernah mencintai
08.23.04 (3:52 am)   [edit]
aku pernah mencintai
aku pernah mencintai karena.
aku pernah mencintai akibat.
aku pernah mencintai padahal.
aku pernah mencintai meskipun.

Tapi dari semuanya,
yang paling melelahkan adalah
mencintai tanpa sebab...

Dan aku mencintai tanpa sebab.

Bolak - balik mencari alasan dan pembenaran
dari yang mudah dan masuk akal,
sampai yang paling konyol.
Tidak ada yang mampu mendefinisi.
Aku mencintai tanpa sebab..

Aku bertanya pada diriku sendiri
dan aku terpaksa memberi jawaban mudah;
[i]"aku mencintai karena aku mencintai"[/i]

Melelahkan.
Karena aku jadi terpaksa berpikir
Jadi terpaksa mencari semua alasan, pembenaran, sabab dan jawaban di dunia ini untuk menemukan definisinya..
Dan aku tidak menemukannya..
Dan ketika aku tak juga mampu menjawabnya,
aku jadi kecewa..
kenapa cinta butuh alasan?
kenapa cinta butuh penjelasan?
kenapa 'CINTA' saja tidak cukup?

Dan aku tak bisa menjawab pertanyaan mereka saat tersudut:

[i]"kenapa kamu mencintainya?"
"Aku nggak tahu"
"Nggak bisa begitu!
Kamu musti bilang kenapa kamu bisa sampai mencintainya!"
"Nggak bisa..
aku nggak bisa bilang.."[/i]

Tapi aku mencintainya.
Tanpa sebab.
Dan ini melelahkan.
Sangat melelahkan.


[i][le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connaît pas][/i]
4 Comments
 
[defining your presence]
08.16.04 (2:26 am)   [edit]
[i]come up to meet you
to tell you I’m sorry
you don’t know how lovely you are

I had to find you
to tell you I need u
to tell you I set you apart

tell me your secrets
and ask me your questions
oh let’s go back to the start

running in circles
coming up tails
it’s only science apart

nobody said it was easy
it’s such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard
oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing
at numbers and figures
pulling the puzzles apart
questions of science, science and progress
do not speak as loud as my heart

tell me you love me
come back and haunt me
oh and I rush to the start

running in circles
chasing our tails
coming back as we are

nobody said it was easy
oh it’s such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start

[b][the scientist - coldplay - a rush of blood to the head][/b][/i]
1 Comments
 
[the perfect drug]
08.09.04 (3:10 am)   [edit]
is what you have become..
and what you have been to me..

(If I)
I took it, I'd die.
I didn't take it, I'd die.

Either way, I'd die after all..

So I choose to take it.. on a maximum dosage..
So I'd die happy..
So I'd leave no grudges..

So you think I took the right choice?
4 Comments
 
a backdoor to my frontyard
08.06.04 (1:46 am)   [edit]






I have been having a hard time lately
To distinguish reality from dreams...

You are in between them...

I can not distinguish you...

Will you help me?



 
4 Comments
 
"people do change, babe"
08.02.04 (3:14 am)   [edit]
Was attending a friend's wedding yesterday. A high school friend.
It really touched my heart to actually see a once BAD boy of high school is now really standing there with the woman of his choice.. Smiling.. Happy.. ahh.. Indeed a wonderful sight for sore eyes..

"People change, babe.." A friend of mine once said that.
True. Indeed. But then what measurements can you use to identify the changes?
A person changed from once a bad person to now a good person?
A naughty boy changed into a loving man?
A geeky turned to be rock star?
A man turned to be a "woman"?

How far are you going through changes to actually change?

What if you are not supposed to change?
What if you are meant to stay the same?

But hey.. You actually need to change to stay the same..
:wink:

[i]ps) to [b]Ridwan & Dewi [/b]- have a wonderful married life, friends!! Change if you need to, but stay the same inside.. (you guys know what I mean..) [/i]
2 Comments
 
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